Football games are more enjoyable to watch when I have some sort of rooting interest in the game. That's easy when the Minnesota Vikings are playing. It's a little harder when they are not, which has been the case since Christian Ponder's right elbow and Joe Webb's ineptness torpedoed the Vikes Super Bowl hopes (hope being the operative word here) on January 5 at Lambeau Field.
With the Vikings out of the playoffs I went into "anybody but the Packers" mode last weekend. But now that Green Bay is out, who am I going to (reluctantly) cheer for? Let's go over the pros and cons of all four teams that are still alive, shall we?
New England Patriots
Pros: Absolutely none.
Cons: Tom Brady's ridiculously charmed life. The fact Danny Woodhead is a little weasel. Spygate. That they employed a dirtbag like Donte Stallworth (twice!). They're Bill Simmons' favorite team. Seven Super Bowl appearances. Three Super Bowl championships. Do I need to go on?
To root or not to root: I don't even know if Patriots fans want this team to win another Super Bowl.
Atlanta Falcons
Pros: Matt Ryan's fake tan. They play in a dome. They cut Ray Edwards. Have a player whose first name is actually "Jacquizz". Owner Arthur Blank seems like a nice, rich, old chap. Have never won a Super Bowl. They aren't the Patriots.
Cons: Errrr, Jan. 17, 1999.
To root or not to root: Fuck these guys.
Baltimore Ravens
Pros: Wear purple uniforms. No longer employ Brian Billick. The Ray Lewis feel-good story. The Matt Birk factor. They aren't the Patriots.
Cons: Have won a Super Bowl. The Ray Lewis feel-good story. Nothing else, really.
To root or not to root: The Super Bowl victory cancels the Ravens out for me. Plus, Joe Flacco seems like a bit of a wiener.
San Francisco 49ers
Pros: Still play at retro Candlestick Park. Gave CFL legend Jeff Garcia his shot in the NFL. The maniacal way Jim Harbaugh stomps up and down the sideline. That Vernon Davis is a curling fan. (Seriously. Check this out.) A certain guy that wears #84 and plays wide receiver. They aren't the Patriots.
Cons: Gave lunatic Terrell Owens his start in the NFL. Once upon a time employed dipshit Deion Sanders. Five Super Bowl championships.
To root or not to root: Normally my rule is not to cheer for a team that has won a Super Bowl if somebody else in the field hasn't. That would be the Falcons this year, but I ain't cheering for them - the whole franchise can rot in hell. And even though I suspect Matt Birk is much nicer human being than Randy Moss, and it would be great to see Matty B cap off a long and distinguished NFL career with a Super Bowl ring, that's not enough for me to ignore the mancrush I've had on Moss since he ripped the NFL apart as a Vikings rookie in 1998. Plus, I like how the 49ers are built - a big, strong offensive line, a physical defense that's tough and fast. And Colin Kaepernick is one exciting dude to watch play quarterback. But this choice is really all about Moss. This has got to be his last year and being on a Super Bowl winner would, I think, eliminate any chance that he isn't voted into the Hall of Fame. So, I'll be rooting for the 49ers from here on in.
I have a list of teams I hate and a rough idea of where they fall on that list in my head, and the 49ers are the least hated in my mind. My "root against" list has mostly to do with the Vikings history, but I do find it irksome that the 9ers have won so many titles. At least it's been a while.
ReplyDeleteI dislike the Ravens for several reasons. 2 of their LBs annoy me to no end. Flacco is, well... a weeny. Good job finding that apt description above, DC. Torrey Smith is frustrating to own in fantasy. And honestly, I wish the Vikings were the only purple team in the league. Most importantly, though, I resent the Ravens for signing Birk before the 09 season when Sullivan was terrible and Favre could've used a little more help from the o-line.
That said, I like Birk a lot and would be happy if he got a ring. Same with Moss.
I don't mind the Pats - maybe it's because I don't know any fans.
I stinkin' hate the Falcons and would only cheer for them against the Packers or the Saints.
And the fact that the Vikings beat the 49ers... no big deasy! So if they win, that would make us SB champs right? lol
ReplyDeleteAnon 11:57 a.m.:
DeleteI don't think we can take it that far, but whatever makes you feel better, I guess.
Peter:
What I remember from the Birk signing isn't so much that the Ravens stole him from the Vikings but that the Vikings weren't interested in paying an aging star another big contract when they felt they had a successor in place. Knowing what we know now, it was a good move because Sullivan has turned out to be pretty good.
I know, I know. but still. my aching heart.
DeleteThe 49ers in a landslide for the NFC, you have to go for them over the dirty birds. Seriously, fuck those guys. Some scars will never heal. But as much as I loved watching and rooting for him, a part of me doesn't want Moss to ride along and get a ring. I used to make excuses for him but there's no denying that he's an awful person who wasted some of his talent in Minnesota and hurt the franchise.
ReplyDeleteBaltimore doesn't annoy me locally like the dipshit Redskin fans do, so I could live with them. You can absolutely make the argument that letting Birk leave was the smart move and it has turned out well. But Sullivan was a big drop off in Favre's first year and I think we win it all with Birk. @#%@$ing Saints!!! Can't we just napalm the entire NFC South? That one still hurts too.
I know I'm in the minority, but once in awhile I like rooting for dynasties and the guys who can become immortals. I like the fact that Belichik is better than your coach. I like that Brady is the best QB of this era. Gisele does make me hate him a little, but whatever he's my mancrush. I want him on my team. I always rooted for him over Peyton and I am rooting for him now to get one more ring and close that argument forever. Not that it isn't closed already, sorry PV. I really wanted them to face each other one more time. I'm not an awful person but I can't help going for the bad guys here. I did root for the Giants the last two super bowls if that counts, but it has been long enough I guess.